I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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