A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
