just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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