that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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