Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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