tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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