I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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