I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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