Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
