I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
