OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
