..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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