we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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