it wasn't lemon gatorade
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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