If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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