Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
