Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
