Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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