didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
