Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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