I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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