So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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