the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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