xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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