My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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