Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
