T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
