i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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