im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
40s are totally the cure
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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