I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
