You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
