At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
