I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
