I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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