if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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