Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
