I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
