So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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