In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
