she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
