peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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