At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
