I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
