Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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