Do you still have your period?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
