did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
