im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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