how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
