I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
