I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
