ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize