I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
