she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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