i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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