Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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