new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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