you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
