end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
