I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
