Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
