i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
