Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
