we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he thought i was a dude.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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