i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
