i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
