drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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