I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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