Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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