I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
