tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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