I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
