Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
