We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
